My little girl will be 12 weeks tomorrow. This time has flown by so fast. It seems just yesterday things were so new, so hard, and so daunting. Now, I look at her and wonder why I was ever so scared or nervous. She and I have finally passed the introduction stage and now I just do the daily dance with my Lily - watching, playing, helping, and treasuring her in any way I can.
In the beginning we had some rough times. She wasn't good at breastfeeding and I was determined to teach her. I wanted only the best for my daughter and I thought that was it...little did I know the little goober had a mind of her own. (however, I should have known, honestly) She and I struggled and struggled to make it work. My mom helped in any way she could. Her loving support and acceptance of my plight and ultimately my renouncing my disdain for bottle feeding really helped me more than she will ever know. Lilian is now thriving. She and her bottle have a daily love affair and I can't help but thank God for formula. I mean, what would we have done if we were living in the days before this magic stuff? It doesn't matter. She's happy, healthy as a horse and SUCH a good baby.
From day one she had personality. The nurses came in and gave her to me after she had been weighed and bathed and said that she had woken up with a "vengance" and was hungry. That word frightened me at the time and some of it was due to the lack of successful nursing taking place, but some of it was definitely personality. She has a voice. A strong, beautiful, sometimes deafening voice. She uses it to make some of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. She coos and gurgles and giggles with a sing-song sweet sound and moments later can belt a noise that could rival any barking dog. She has settled into more of a personality as of late, combining this "vengance" (which I like to call passion) with her Dad's calm, gentle spirit. So, now we have an amicable daughter with a strong opinion...when she needs it. It's wonderful. I know it will become so much more than my descriptions will be able to encompass and that makes me very excited. (as a passionate person myself)
As I marvel each passing day with how she grows and matures I can't help it when my mind travels back to the day she was born and I'm in the delivery room again. The pain, the joy, the pushing...oh God the pushing. Mom, it's NOT the easiest part...you lie! Anyway, I can't believe that the little bundle that came out of me is now 2 feet long and about 14lbs! She is growing and there's no way to stop it. She will never ever be a little newborn ever again. Sometimes I hate that I didn't just bask in every newborn moment in the beginning. But, I realize now that the shock of having a baby just takes time to wear off. Now that I am basking more and more life seems more memorable and enjoyable. Honestly, I don't have any regrets because of my shock...there was really no way around that for me. No book, no advice or class could have prepared me for her. She is the most tiring and challening job I've ever had. But, it's the best one I've ever had. I wouldn't trade it for all the money or fame in the world. She and her Daddy are my world and oh what a paradise it seems.