I think Lilian's expression best shows my feelings right now. GRRRRRRR!!!! I hate moving!!!!!!!! But as soon as we do, I will post a pic of our new place along with address etc. Oh, and a pic of our baby girl of course! Pray we don't lose our minds before then...

Just a quick note before church this morning...I'll post a picture later when I get a chance...
I have come to a realization in the past couple of days that I have been a selfish person. We are all selfish in some ways. But I mean there is a huge difference in Carlye before baby and Carlye after baby. At least, there is starting to be. I spent some time mourning my "pre-baby" life. The life wherein I could get up and go wherever, whenever and do whatever I wanted to do. I was sick this past week and thought of what I would have done if I had no baby to take care of...watch movies, eat soup, sleep and get well as soon as possible. Not the case now! I am no longer the one in need here. My needs are on the back burner and I am only beginning to see this as a positive thing. It has been a slow molting of my selfish side, giving way to a side that says, "you know, if I don't get a lot of sleep tonight, that's ok!". It's for a good cause. The best kind of cause - my daughter. I thought I could kinda call the shots when she first arrived. You know, it's a little baby with NO IDEA about anything except that it wants to eat, sleep, and oh hey, a dirty diaper...again. I thought I could maneuver her into a routine that we would both find quite breezy. HA! NO! I mean, she's great and has a routine for the most part, but there are moments, days and weeks where we can get off course and have to get back on track slowly but surely. I am not the leader here. I mean, yes, I have authority and am the mom, but this little gal is going to show me what she needs and isn't going to like all my bright, super "sounds great in the book" ideas. She needs a flexible mom. One that says, "hey, it's ok sweetie if you need to fuss." One that knows that a few nights of bad sleep will iron themselves out again. She's not a robot. This process between baby and parents is so perfectly aligned with our relationship to God. He just looks at us, sighs, (much like I do with Lilian) and says, "Ok, my child, let's try this again..."

It's week 15 in Lilian's life and the learning just never stops...oh, and for her too. Sean and I make sure we have time with her every day where she's doing something that challenges her brain. It's always something fun, but you can tell it's really stretching her knowledge. We call it "brain time". She has this noise she makes whenever she's either thinking really hard or trying really hard to do some task. She purses her little lips together in kind of a "kissy-face", furrows her brow and breathes very heavily through her nose. We find this very amusing, but it must be funny to see a couple holding their baby with some sort of toy or book in front of her getting all excited because she's making what we call her "thinking noise". She's such a kick. The kid just never stops smiling, and if she does it's only to stare at you and figure you out. Sometimes, early in the morning when we're up together having breakfast, she'll look at me and it's like she's looking IN me. She just gazes as me and it's a little intense. It makes me feel as though she longs to know me inside and out. Foolishly, I thought this stage would begin later in her life. She longs for us. There are times when only Daddy will do, and times when only Mommy can stop the tears. It's unbelievable to have someone that needs us that much. Sean was talking with my Mom the other day about Lily and having children. They both agreed that, unlike our God in heaven, there is no way that either of them could sacrifice their child for the sins of the world. I agree. But, I guess that's why we're human and He's God. If it would have depended on me giving Lilian up for everyone, we'd all be destined for hell. Thank God for his sacrifice. I am more in awe of it now than I have ever been. What a blessing to have both a child I will not be asked to give up and life eternal. Thank you God!

This is just a quick comment as Lilian is about to wake from a nap. Last night I was rocking her in the rocking chair and feeding her right before bed. She started playing with the bottle in her mouth and she wouldn't eat it all. This has been common lately and I think, just like her growth spurts, it's just a stage. However, at night it's been frustrating because I would like to put her down with a more full stomach in hopes that she'll sleep longer. Well, last night was just one of those nights and she wouldn't eat but half of her normal amount. Out of pure intolerance on my part, I sighed and put the bottle down on the table and looked at her. She gave me a big smile and I just melted. "Is it possible you're just that smart and that sweet?" I asked her. I thought there would be no way she'd just know that she doesn't need anymore and was ready for bed. Then she did the most unusual and adorable thing. After asking her that question (which I assumed was rhetorical) she looked up at me, smiled with her little lips together, nodded her head and said, "Mmm". It was if she was just letting me know that yes, she did have a clue and to back off and let her show me. Not 20 seconds later, after wiping my tears away, she dozed off in my arms. Silly me...she slept till 3am and then again till 6am. Out of the mouths of babes...

This may be a little short as my little girl is sitting on my lap as I type this. She's quite aware and loves to observe my hands on the keys as I type. She will soon try to push the buttons too, I'm sure. It doesn't seem to take her long to figure things out.
Well this last week was Thanksgiving, and I must say, for Sean and I we had more to be thankful for this year than we ever have. Having a daughter really makes you realize how selfish you were before. We only want the best for her now. It's so refreshing and exciting! Well on the downside, going out of town, although tons of fun and quite a nice change, can be very taxing on a little one. Her schedule is now completely off and she's struggling to find her old routine again. She did great when we were out of town, but now she's home and we're waking up at odd times and we're tired when we should want food. I always feel bad for her when this happens, but she's quite resilient and bounces back in a day or two. We did have a great time seeing everyone and I was so blessed by how much love all my friends had for my little girl. Thanks guys!
Well it seems as though Lilian has decided that my typing time is over and play time must begin. By the way, this pic is of Lily's new favorite napping position. So cute!

Three months ago today our little girl was born. Gosh, seems like a million years ago and yesterday at the same time. We've come a long way, but yet there's so much territory to discover and chart. I can hear her right now. She's in her Daddy's arms getting fed. That adorable noise she makes when she's sucking always makes me smile. These days she's taken to either humming or grunting throughout the feeding. It seems to make her happy, but boy does it turn heads when we're in public. I just smile proudly. I'm just glad she's enjoying herself.
We've been looking at a lot of books lately. She gets very very excited about the bright colors and constantly tries to grab the objects on the page. Yes, I know, she's a genius. She also has started gazing at herself in the mirror. She likes to look at herself, smile and squeal and then bury her head into my chest. We do this about 15 times before she gets tired and starts looking elsewhere. I'm just so amazed at her awareness. She is so content to just look around. When we go out with the people at church, she gets passed around about 10 times to all the people that love her and love to hold her. She just sits quietly. Sometimes making happy noises, sometimes just gazing. She never cries when held by someone she barely knows. She just looks for me and turns in the direction of my voice to know that I'm not too far off. I will never be too far off. Sean and I were discussing yesterday how we're just head over heels for this kid. She's so much fun, so sweet, so loving, so sensitive, and yet at the same time I laugh at how unafraid she can be. She's started doing what I call "head diving". She is very good at holding her head up, and yet she dives into her books, into her toys, into the mirror with her mouth open hoping to get a taste of the thing I'm holding. It always freaks me out. I rush to keep her from slamming into something or just getting scared because she's close to falling, but she just keeps her eyes transfixed on whatever it is she's looking at and doesn't even flinch. Sometimes it will even make her smile. I think she's a good mix of girly and tomboyish. Listen to me...already I think I have her figured out! I guess I just feel like I know her so well now. There's a lot to discover like I mentioned before and I can't wait. Three months down, a lifetime to go! I couldn't be more joyful...

Just a quick thought this morning...
I am infatuated with her hands. I absolutely love tenderly cupping her entire hand inside mine. They're so soft and so chubby. They look like little starfish moving about on the ends of her marshmallow arms.
And has there ever been a happier baby? Is it normal for a baby to smile with her whole body? Every morning I go in to get her and every single time she's already awake, playing quietly, cooing and kicking. She looks up at me when I lean over and say, "Goodmorning Lily!". She smiles so big her eyes turn into little crescent moons and her whole body seems to grin along with her little toothless mouth. Can you tell I'm in love?

My little girl will be 12 weeks tomorrow. This time has flown by so fast. It seems just yesterday things were so new, so hard, and so daunting. Now, I look at her and wonder why I was ever so scared or nervous. She and I have finally passed the introduction stage and now I just do the daily dance with my Lily - watching, playing, helping, and treasuring her in any way I can.
In the beginning we had some rough times. She wasn't good at breastfeeding and I was determined to teach her. I wanted only the best for my daughter and I thought that was it...little did I know the little goober had a mind of her own. (however, I should have known, honestly) She and I struggled and struggled to make it work. My mom helped in any way she could. Her loving support and acceptance of my plight and ultimately my renouncing my disdain for bottle feeding really helped me more than she will ever know. Lilian is now thriving. She and her bottle have a daily love affair and I can't help but thank God for formula. I mean, what would we have done if we were living in the days before this magic stuff? It doesn't matter. She's happy, healthy as a horse and SUCH a good baby.
From day one she had personality. The nurses came in and gave her to me after she had been weighed and bathed and said that she had woken up with a "vengance" and was hungry. That word frightened me at the time and some of it was due to the lack of successful nursing taking place, but some of it was definitely personality. She has a voice. A strong, beautiful, sometimes deafening voice. She uses it to make some of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. She coos and gurgles and giggles with a sing-song sweet sound and moments later can belt a noise that could rival any barking dog. She has settled into more of a personality as of late, combining this "vengance" (which I like to call passion) with her Dad's calm, gentle spirit. So, now we have an amicable daughter with a strong opinion...when she needs it. It's wonderful. I know it will become so much more than my descriptions will be able to encompass and that makes me very excited. (as a passionate person myself)
As I marvel each passing day with how she grows and matures I can't help it when my mind travels back to the day she was born and I'm in the delivery room again. The pain, the joy, the pushing...oh God the pushing. Mom, it's NOT the easiest part...you lie! Anyway, I can't believe that the little bundle that came out of me is now 2 feet long and about 14lbs! She is growing and there's no way to stop it. She will never ever be a little newborn ever again. Sometimes I hate that I didn't just bask in every newborn moment in the beginning. But, I realize now that the shock of having a baby just takes time to wear off. Now that I am basking more and more life seems more memorable and enjoyable. Honestly, I don't have any regrets because of my shock...there was really no way around that for me. No book, no advice or class could have prepared me for her. She is the most tiring and challening job I've ever had. But, it's the best one I've ever had. I wouldn't trade it for all the money or fame in the world. She and her Daddy are my world and oh what a paradise it seems.