Ok, I'm back and ready to get started doing this again. For some reason I lost all concept of time during the walking, talking, first birthday time. Things just go by so fast these days. It really doesn't seem like I was looking at a little 3 month old at this time last year wondering when she was going to giggle and laugh and jump and play. Well, now that's all we do all day long! It's super fun and I wouldn't trade it for millions. We have been having a lot of fun at the park; doing things like sliding (by herself!!!) and swinging, and chasing squirrels and chipmunks. She honestly thinks those little rabid rodents show up just to play with her. She trees half of the ones who venture too close. "Oooh!! Coo-wol!" is what she says. You wanna keep squirrels away from your garden this spring? I'll bring Lilian over.
We just got back from an exhaustive morning of playing at the playplace the mall. It's this seemingly wonderful indoor alternative when it's raining and cold outside. There are huge cars and helicopters and things to climb in and pretend till you pass out. There's a slide and everything is squishy so if you fall you basically just bounce until you puke instead of getting a nasty bruise. Seems great right? Right! What more could a mom want to keep her super active daughter happy? Well, I'm here to tell you that if you end up taking your child to these wonderful places, you will inevitably end up with an entire house full of horridly sick people. And let me tell you, no amount of Purell can kill the bacteria found in these germ ridden mucus holes. Children with flu symptoms are everywhere! Whatever happened to not taking your sick child out!? Isn't that the proper thing to do? I mean, we all have to run to the store every now and then, but c'mon! Take Jimmy and his bucket of snot to the doctor for crying out loud... I will now tell you that yes, after all this complaining and ranting I still take Lilian to these places. Why? I know it's a very good question. I have no idea. But I do know she LOVES them and we've gotten the hang of cleanliness after visiting these places. Basically we use the Purell, wash our hands when we get home and keep our shoes far far far away from us until further use. And if someone sneezed on her or something we wash face, hair or whatever needs it. It's worth the sacrifice to see her beautiful face light up and squeal when she climbs to the top of the slide by herself. I feel so proud watching her maneuver in between these kids and interact with them, and then she looks at me like she's found the cure for cancer. Yes, baby! I see you! You are so talented! How did you get so big??? In a matter of months we will have a one and a half year old who will subsequently go to kindergarten when she's 3 because she's so smart! No pressure Lily... :)

Holy Cow! It's been a whole three months since my last post. For shame! So much has happened and well, you know what I'm going to say...busy blah blah...baby blah blah...jobs blah blah. Enough of that, let's catch up. Lilian has been growing like a weed. She started crawling and did that for quite a while. Once that was perfected she began walking on the 12th of July. She is marching around our apartment now like a pro. She had this adorable way of holding her hands up in the air like she was cheering for herself as she walked, now she's a veteran. She's so proud of herself I can tell. She even pants a little like an excited puppy when she gets going really fast sometimes. And me, I'm the proudest momma in the universe. Sean has got to be her biggest fan by far. I'm right there with him, but the man is smitten with love and pride when he sees his little girl take those steps over to him. It's odd the amazing, melting feeling you get when your child runs to you rather than crawls. She runs to us - she still needs us. But the days are going by fast and soon she'll run the other direction...so I'm going to relish this while I can. My baby - almost a toddler! Her first birthday is coming up. I'm going to throw a small family/friend affair. Nothing to make her overwhelmed, but enough to celebrate the year she's had. She's accomplished so much in the last year. From blob to toddler in just 365. How did it all pass me by so fast? No wonder women get antsy for another baby. That baby time has come and gone and will never be again. But that's ok really. She is developing into who she is supposed to be. No mom in her right mind wouldn't want that. Growing up is good, and it's exciting. She understands so much and is so expressive. As you all know, babies have a hard time with this longing to express and not having the words to do so, so we're starting sign language. She's already signed "more" and "ball" and "drink"! All this in one day, but we'll see if she remembers today. It's so nice to give her an outlet for her thoughts and desires. She's happier and the whining and grunting have diminished considerably. We are having SO much fun - and it's only going to get more fun and more tough and more wonderful. That's my girl! This is everything that I've always wanted.

Lilian has started talking. She has the sweetest voice I've ever heard! I say that now, of course having never heard her scream and yell horrible things during a temper tantrum. But I'll enjoy it for now. My Mom and Dad still like to hear my voice every now and then, so maybe there is hope after all. She says many words for her little age. She said da-da first and then ma-ma. Well, at first it was more like mamamamamama, but she's narrowed it down finally. She says "gock" for clock and "gog" for dog. She even said "baw" a few times for ball. She now has started saying be-be for baby. I look forward to many more words soon! I will let you all know when they start. Love you all!

There are many things I think when I look at this little gal. One of them is, "I wonder who she'll be most like.." In the back of my mind I'm sorta keeping tabs on the things she does that are like Sean and the things that seem more like Carlyeisms. She has his sweetness. Not to say I wasn't sweet, but she has this unadulterated love that just gushes out of her and she's happy and content and so completely vulnerable. She just lets it all hang out. I love it. On the other hand, she has this temper and determination that seem so much like me that sometimes I wonder what I'm up against. (myself it seems!) She has this furrowed brow when she's concentrating or when she's mad or confused that is so me that I can't even believe it. She is stubborn...in ways that only a stubborn person like me can understand. I can hear you laughing, Mom. It's a battle of wills at times. You think she doesn't understand no yet? HA! Foolish commoners! She understands and looks at me - and when I look at her she frowns and goes, "aaaAAAAH!" Ooh boy. But man, I love her. I mean, didn't I want her to be a strong woman? One that can withstand the evil in this cruel world, remember who she is and know that above all she's loved? YES! She is strong. Strong and sweet. A little while back I was lamenting that she might be too much like me and someone said to me, "Good! I hope she is! You're a kind, fun, strong person and she would be lucky to be like you!" Good friend. And he was right. We should all be proud of our kids. Rather than worrying about them being like us, let's cultivate it and grow it into something beautiful. We are, in fact, all made in God's image right?

My apologies for those of you who are frequent readers of my post. I know it's been a long time. But, a whole lot has happened in the past month and a half or so. I basically sprained my wrist and couldn't do much of anything for quite a while. I guess that's what picking up a 20+ lb baby will do to a mom's unsuspecting wrists. I'm a lot better, but I still have to go to physical therapy to make sure it doesn't swell up like it did before. Our family as a whole has been through a whole slew of night shifts (Sean is about to finish one of his many 7 nights in a row weeks) and we're trying to make sure he gets enough sleep and can help me if my wrist is aching badly. *sigh* it's been long, but we're better because of it. Lily (and I DO know this blog is about her) is doing famously. She is growing like a weed. She sings, she laughs, she hugs, she (sortof) crawls, she is so smart!!! I just love seeing what new things we can discover every day. We've planted flowers on our porch and that's the only place she wants to be now. She has to come out every morning to water them (or mame them) with me and she just soaks it up. I am getting really good at not minding if she messes things up. Who cares? She's a baby and the smile on her face is worth it. Who am I to say that having a little potting soil on every inch of your body is a bad thing? She seemed to love it! That's my girl! She is starting to touch the flowers very softly after about 5 million times of me showing her how to touch them. She even uses this little whisper voice when she touches them sometimes - I wonder what she's telling them? No wonder our flowers look wonderful, they have extra love and drool from my girl.
We've been going to the park a lot lately. She can't really do much yet because she can't walk, but she loves to have me walk her around, back bent and aching, around and around and around the kids playing. She squeals when they run by her and smiles and points to them when they come over and say hello. They're so sweet with her. I can't wait for her to make her first friend. She loves the swings. No no, I mean LOOOOVES the swings. She sits in those seats with the little leg holes and I just swing her nice and high. She loves it. No fear at all. She usually starts one of her long "songs" during that time. Her smiling mouth open wide, she finds a note and just sings it out loud and clear until the drool strings go all the way from her mouth to the ground. It's not like yelling or squealing - it's very much like singing and she started doing it in church when we're having worship. Who knows, maybe she'll be a great singer like her Daddy.
Well, those are the most recent events. I'm sure it's quick sailing from here to her first birthday. I can't believe she's almost 8 months old. Pretty soon I'll be walking her into her first class at school....ok, no more, I can't take that yet!

I was looking back over a journal that I was writing in when we first moved here to Jefferson City and I was really amazed. Back then, I was very confused about the paths on which God had us. But, just like always, he has given us joy for the ride that we're on in the form of Lilian. I don't normally do quotes, but this little song that I used to sing when I was little in church just popped back into my head and I feel it very pertinent to our situation now.
"Something beautiful, something good;
All my confusion He understood.
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife,
But He made something beautiful of my life."
I really do believe that. She has brought so many changes along with her, some which I didn't know if I was going to get used to. But, she's just a little bitty vessel being used by our loving Father to mold Sean and I. And gladly, we're softening more every day.

I was going through Lilian's baby book last night, filling in all the new things that she has done, and I just can't believe how much has happened. She's no longer this little adorable Eskimo baby blob that just sits and stares at me. She's a mover and a shaker and she's so joyful to be around. She's working on her upper teeth right now I think. I can feel them in there a little when she's chomping on my finger with her little bottom teeth. She still sits up wonderfully and for longer periods of time every day. She loves coming into the bedroom in the morning after Daddy wakes up (just like the picture) and laying next to him while he's still drowsy. She gently touches his face and does this really soft talking that sounds like some little tiny person far far away. It's so cute. When he looks at her and smiles it's like she comes alive. Then she starts talking loudly and giggling with him. She loves us so much...it's overwhelming! If she only knew how much she's loved...My parents always said that I'd understand their love for me when I had a child of my own. It's so true. And to think God loves us more than Sean or I love our daughter. How? I know he does, it's just hard to imagine.
One of her new things is jumping. Ok, so she can't really jump, but she's trying! She loves to stand up while we hold either her hands or waist, but lately that hasn't been enough to satisfy this girl. She bends her knees and droops her little diaper bottom to the ground and then shoots up and out toward whatever she's trying to grab. Normally it's one of us, but once it was the mirror and she was super confused.
She's eating her cereal really well now. She gets all excited whenever I scoop up a new bite now and opens her mouth really wide to chomp down on it. I must say, I'm getting really good at getting food in that ever-moving little trap of hers too. She's tried sweet potatoes and applesauce. Soon we'll move on to other veggies and fruits, but for now we're doing just fine.
We're starting to go through a little separation anxiety all of the sudden. I can leave a room for a minute, but if she happens to notice that I'm gone it's "eeeeeEEEEE??" and then "waaaaAAAAA!!" She's doing great, but naps have been harder again and at night sometimes she just wants me to come in and visit. I do, and I try to reassure her and she usually just falls asleep, but last night she made more of a fuss. I got her out of her crib and held her in the rocking chair with me and she just spent about 5 minutes touching my face and drinking a little more milk. I put her down again and she went right to sleep. I know what she's going through. Sometimes I miss her so bad at night. I go to bed and lay there and wish she could be my teddy bear. I want to smell her and just hear her little sleepy noises. AAAhhh. What a baby. She's a keeper.

Where do I begin!? This week has been full of milestones and wonderful memories. During the end of the week last week Lily cut her first tooth! Front bottom right and the one next to it is about to poke through any day. She keeps touching it with her first finger. It's really cute, but she is LOVING all the biting she can do with it. She gnaws on my fingers whenever she gets a chance and it hurts! She's a little snapping turtle. She has also learned how to sit up all by herself. It just happened one day. She's been able to sit up for a little bit with help, but one day I didn't get to her in time to keep her from falling over and she caught herself. I was so grateful...but ever since then she's been doing really well and hates to do much of anything else. She feels like a big kid, I can tell. We started learning how to make music this week as well. She has started taking toys and banging them on other toys to see what happens. I have been showing her the different sounds that different materials make and oh, you guessed it. She likes metal on metal. EEsh. Shouldn't have been so gung ho - now it's biting me in the butt...or ears I should say. But she's happy as ever. Her napping is still going well, but she's testing me. She has started talking really loudly whenever I put her down (by talking I mean jibber jabber) and it fools me into thinking that she's really not that tired. I will cave after listening to 20 minutes of sweet little girly sounds and go in there just in time to see her smile really big and even giggle a little. Ha! I got mommy in here! Oops wait, YAAAAAWWWN. Dang. Fell for it again. She IS tired, but she's learning how to fall asleep on her own. I'm just glad she's so happy. She really is a joy and a blessing to us. Sean and I really feel more strongly in love every day about our little family. He's a wonderful father and she is so flirty with him. It's almost sickening how much she gazes at him. She loves to touch his face and he just lets her do whatever she wants. I guess that's the fun part about all this. We don't have to say no just yet. We both know that's soon changing. In fact, I think her little brain is very quickly getting the hang of life. It won't be long till I'm writing about time outs and public breakdowns I'm sure. But for now, all is quiet on the homefront.

Everything, everything, everything, everything EVERYTHING goes in her mouth!! Nothing is safe anymore! Look out magazine, look out toys, look out hair, look out clothes, hands, and especially hot bowls, cups and plates...you are all going to get slimed my my daughter! Although it's been hard to keep her little monkey paws from grabbing onto just about everything and cramming it into her little toothless abyss, it's so cute and so much fun watching her experiment and discover things all by herself. It's only the dangerous things that I need to watch for. And why does she love the sharp, hot, dirty stuff so much? Go figure. Human nature I guess. We have to try it out before we learn. To add to this mouthwatering business lately, she is teething so much right now. I can see the little white tips of her bottom two teeth trying to punch their way through her little gums and I do not envy her. I remember what it felt like for my wisdom teeth coming in and I know she's in a lot of pain. The Oragel stuff doesn't keep her suffering at bay long enough and since you're not supposed to use that so much I have had to resort to infant Tylenol drops. I don't give it to her a lot, only when she's really needing it, and boy does it help. It's like magic. I am so excited for her teeth to pop through. She's going to be so cute - and 10x more dangerous, but I don't mind. Let the baby-proofing begin! Meanwhile, for all you who are following my hopeful plight into independent and harmonious naps, I have good news to report. My little coconut is napping like an angel. Sometimes she fusses for a little while, but there's no more screaming or murderous cries coming from her room. She's off to dreamland very quickly now and I'm so proud. She's so much happier now and I've even caught her waking up and playing in her bed for 5-10 minutes before asking to get out. She's content and I am too...just hoping these teeth come soon!

I seriously can't deal with this crying...it sounds like there's blood all over the walls in there from some massacre! It's ok though, she only cries for a short time and when she wakes up she's all smiles. Whoever thought a nap would be so hard for such a little peanut? I love her so much. I'm only doing this because I love her. She's really been thriving because of regular naps lately too...I just hope that this gets better soon. I found a gray hair today and I'm sure more will be popping up if this napping routine doesn't stick. Oh wait! She's quiet! God bless America I'm so glad! Gotta go. If I don't enjoy the peace and quiet then my hair will all be white by the time she's a year old. By the way, I found out today that I can't wear baseball caps around her. Serious, serious baby flip out took place. She looked at me like I was the scariest person ever. We're going to have to ease into this I guess. She's quite girly sometimes...

As I type this very moment, my sweet daughter is learning to put herself to sleep. She's so amazing at night. She sleeps all night and has zero wakings (at least that I've heard). However, it's a different story during the day. She had issues with feeding very early in her existence and was held a bunch...by a bunch of us. She got into a groove. And honestly I don't feel bad holding her a bunch. I'm not of the mindset that too much holding will make a rotten little girl. She's quite sweet! Anyhow, naps have been awful. That is, until today. I am determined. And those of you who know me know just HOW determined I can be. She must learn how to put herself to sleep. It will boost her confidence, her moods and help in her overall development. She only cried for a little bit. She knows what's happening. We did this already for night time sleep. So, even though my hair has turned completely white and the juices in my tummy are bubbling violently...my baby is sleeping. (sort of - she's making these little birdy noises, but I think she's almost out).
She's had lots of new experiences this week (her 20th week of life) and I think she's about sacked out. She's tried cereal for the first time and by the look on her face I know you can see she thought it was pretty odd. She didn't turn away - the kid loves food as you all know - but I think she's a little wary of the whole texture of it all. We'll try once a day for a while and see how it goes. She's a little sponge, so I know it won't be long till she's trying to do it herself. Our little clone...
I really couldn't ask for much more right now. Contentedness has set in - this really is the best job I've ever had...even these hard days.

Today it really hit me. We've come such a long way in these last four and a half months! My baby is no longer a newborn and she soaks up everything like a little sponge. She smiles and jabbers and drools and sqeals with delight. She almost sits up on her own, she rolls over, she loves to stand up and she's eager to put EVERYTHING in her mouth. I look at her and almost don't even recognize her. She's a little cherub with her rolls and her pearly pink skin. Her eyes are clear and they dart to and fro looking for the next interesting object. My parents came to visit yesterday to see our new place and we all just played and laughed at her all day. She's quite entertaining. I could go on forever about all the little things that she does, but it may take all day. Ok, well just a few. She has started touching faces. She wants to study just about everyone's face with her hands (and if you're not careful, her mouth too). She loves my Dad's mustache and my Mom's big eyes and shiny fingernails. But the sweetest thing of all is when you're holding her and she looks up at you, only inches away, and just softly touches your face and smiles. It melts me. So, today as I watch my little budding baby, no longer and infant but not yet a toddler, I wonder what the next stage of her development will bring. I know we will travel to uncharted lands like solid foodville, crawlingtown, and separation anxiety city (oh how cheesy was that)! And I look forward to all of it. This picture is in honor of how far we've come. I'm proud of her, but I knew she could make it. It was ME I was worried about...